Breanne Boland, oh my!

This is timely for me.  I don’t have it happen much anymore, as I work at home and am not outside enough for it to be a frequent thing.  But it did happen the las week, as I walked downtown alone in the mid-evening.

My habit, in the past (when I’m quick-witted enough), is to make people regret telling me to smile (or to say anything presuming and stupid).  The last time it happened, I released this big, guttural cough right at the person.  In this case, I walked away from the tool imagining my own stream of reactions, not unlike the ones in the comic.  Should I have told the guy to fuck off?  Should I have been more graphic?  I still wish I had, but I was by myself.  What if he’d taken my nasty response badly?  It was an isolated street.

Oh, the stupid things we have to think about.  It also reminded me that I’m really lucky.  I reacted strongly to this, to the point that I was very FUCK ALL HUMANS GRRR for the next day or so.  It lingered in my heart and darkened my view of everyday people, who I generally love.  What if something worse happened?  Does it mean I’m less resilient than I like to think I am?

And of course this only happens when I’m by myself.  If I’m with someone else, particularly someone of the male persuasion, this never happens.  Telling.

arashikami:

To summarize: I am mad. | by Natalie Nourigat » Natalie Nourigat is a comic book writer/artist and member of Periscope Studios in Portland Oregon. She just posted this image today on her Twitter account, as a response to a stranger’s actions. Based on the reactions that followed, this is not an uncommon occurrence for Nourigat, or for women in general.

I commend Natalie on her approach to this issue. Instead of lashing out, she created art that has connected/is connecting to other women who have also felt this way, giving their collective frustration a voice, and allowing them to address the issue in a productive way.

That issue, from my perspective, is this: Men who believe that Women are here solely for their own edification/gratification. With this mentality as a basis, you get behavior that ranges from the benign (i.e. telling a woman you don’t know to smile) to the misogynistic (i.e. frequently referring to women as sluts, whores, etc.), on up to the violent (i.e. rape) and the abhorrent (i.e. mutilation and/or murder of women who are considered property). Of course the behavior depends on the individual, but the underlying problem is the same. Women DON’T BELONG to Men, nor do Men belong to Women.

MEN: If you see a woman (or anyone, for that matter) standing on a street corner, not smiling, and your impulse is to tell her to smile, STOP. Ask yourself, why do you care if she smiles?

Do you think she’s pretty? Then just say “Hi”. That’s how most conversations start.

Do you think she’s sad? Then be kind. Offer help, and be gracious if it isn’t wanted.

Do you think that people should smile, because smiling people make you happy? Then learn stand-up and get an audience, and leave the person on the street corner alone.

In essence, don’t be that man that insists on imposing his worldview on everyone else, especially Women. Be the better Man that doesn’t behave this way. Be the Man that recognizes this behavior in other men and calls them out on it. And don’t confuse this with “coming to the damsel’s rescue”, because that’s just the flipside of the same coin. Don’t let PEOPLE treat other PEOPLE as PROPERTY.

Look, I’m not perfect. I don’t always practice what I preach, but I try. I wrote this as a reminder and challenge to myself as much as to anyone else that reads it. Just try. That’s all.

As a final note, I have seen Natalie smile. She has a great one, and it comes out when she, and she alone, wants it to. Just like everybody else.